Sofia Vergara Takes A Blowtorch To Instagram With Pool Bikini Content, Marlins Pitcher Gets Drilled & MEAT!
Sofia Vergara had one helluva weekend.
Right on cue, MY Reds are BACK…to .500!
This is becoming comical at this point. As you guys know, all I'm asking for out of MY Reds is a .500 season in early August, before the NFL kicks in, so I have something to watch instead of preseason NFL action, which bores me.
That means I need Terry Francona's team to just keep it together for 60 more days.
They took a major step towards achieving the goal I set for them with a SWEEP of the Diamondbacks this weekend after falling three games under .500 last week.
Here's the major issue going forward: MY Reds still have the second-hardest remaining schedule in MLB.
Things I didn't expect to see over the weekend at the Columbus Zoo
Mrs. Screencaps wanted to do something with the kids and the Columbus Zoo had been on her radar, so we went. It was your typical run-of-the-mill zoo visit where 99.5% of the visitors looked like they were dropped off from another planet.
BTW, I had no idea the German Baptists were so into the zoo. There were busloads of GBs roaming the park.
But the highlight for me had to be the Indian guy wearing a Busch heavy shirt. I couldn't get my camera out of my pocket fast enough. What were the odds of me spotting an Indian wearing a Busch shirt?
6000-1?
Higher?
Other highlights:
- The grizzly bear taking a leak on top of the fake mountain rock and flipping his urine alll over the place with his front-left paw to mark his territory. Poor old guy still had that instinct in his brain even though he's been in that pen for years.
- $5 for a bottle of water
- I realized they serve beer at the zoo and Millennials LOVE walking around the zoo with their baby strollers while sucking down beers. What a moment for society
- The male monkey trying to bang another male monkey, clearly in honor of Pride Month
What's a unique must-have for the guys' golf trip this summer? Keep in mind, this trip will also include a 4-hour river float in a tube
Don't tell me the Blue Tees speaker that everyone has. I'd leave that speaker on a cart the first time I used it.
My buddy Diesel recommended this for the river float:
EMAIL: JOE.KINSEY@OUTKICK.COM OR USE MY PERSONAL GMAIL ACCOUNT
My high school actually did it! Not only did the sprinter win a state title, they won the TEAM state title
Reminder:
My high school has produced ONE D1 college football player and he was a slow defensive tackle at West Virginia.
Cleveland Glenville has produced guys like Ted Ginn Jr., Chris Chambers, Troy Smith, Donte Whitner, Justin Hardee, Cardale Jones, Frank Clark, and Marshon Lattimore.
MY cornfield high school full of SLOW white guys just BEAT Glenville for a state track championship.
This will go down as one of the greatest athletic accomplishments in Ohio high school sports history. I don't think Brookville locals have any idea what this track team truly just accomplished.
Observations from Manhattan
— Mike N. reports:
We dropped off our oldest in Manhattan for his summer internship before his Sr year in college. Some quick hitters:
- Didn’t spend over $10 for a beer in three days
- Most enjoyed tourist attraction according to the hotel is the MSG tour (no time this trip)
- Best dim sum on planet Kung Fu Kitchen
- CVS has M&Ms and Reece’s behind lock & key
- hundreds of young women in sun dresses and lulu lemon riding the subway by themselves - heavily armed police presence and armed national guard in and around the subway- someone finally reimagined policing the right way: MORE
Congrats on 15 years and 1,000 days! Here’s to the best column in the land.
I can't believe I threw a cocaine-infused golf rager back in the day on Put-in-Bay
"Was told MLB provides a list of drinks that have been tested to not flag during drug testing. Most popular among the West Michigan players on the acceptable drinks list: C4 and Red Bull. Celsius has an ingredient known to flag as cocaine in MLB drug testing and although it’s not officially banned, it’s ‘strongly discouraged,’" Emily Waldon tweeted over the weekend.
Screencaps old-timers will remember the Put-in-Bay two-club when Celsius sent me like 10 cases of drinks. No wonder I had suburban housewives BEGGING me to be their Celsius hookup. It also now makes sense why those PIB Invitationals were so crazy.
It's all adding up here.
The No Mow May wackos, including a message for No Mow May Asshole Tyler
— Bruce in Decatur, IL shares a story about these nutjobs:
Your take-down of the no-mow dingalings reminded me of an episode that occurred when I worked at the City of Urbana (IL). They had permits available for residents to have 'managed' landscape lawns- basically, let the flowers and bushes grow, with no grass. I have to admit that some folks really took this to heart, and their plantings and such looked very nice. But some just used it as an excuse to NOT mow, and then the fun started. There was a person in Public Works who had to field complaints and go and talk to the landowner about their, uh 'landscape'. The penalty if they did just nothing was a mow job by the PW boys and a nice bill in the mail. That always worked, except for one guy....
He was a local attorney with a reputation for pushing boundaries and not staying within the lines. He was sharp, but boy did he need a constant stream of attention. He got a permit, promptly let it go, and was visited by the PW rep to clean it up or the mow crew would arrive. He peppered the rep with LOTs of salty language and explained in great detail into which orifices she could stick her authority. Back and forth things went, all documented in writing (cuz that's what attorneys do) until the last warning resulted in the PW mow job. Before they could even get the bill in the mail to him, he replied with a letter that threatened the rep, her kids and their 'progeny'. He went on and on about the murder of defenseless plants and the insects thereon. And he summed it up with a threat to airdrop 10,000 South American leaches on the entire city. The City's attorney referred the letter to the legal bar, and they threatened to suspend his license but never quite got around to it. It wasn't the first time they had to do that, and it wasn't the last either.
As a way to support the rep and get her spirits up the folks in Engineering had shirts made stating "I survived the Leach Drop!" The PW crews would wear them every time they had to work near the attorney's house. He never pushed the issue again and began mowing his 'landscape'. Guess he got enough attention and it was time to move to the next crisis.
Thanks for what you bring to the community- it is second to none!
— Scott emails:
Long time reader, first time reaching out. I love what you do with the column, it's my daily go to...a refreshing dose of common sense, which brings me to Tyler.
Tyler's indifference to "plants doing what they are supposed to" is the same woke infected mindset that has turned places like California into shit holes. Indifference to homeless taking a dump on the side walk and setting up camp in neighborhood parks. Indifference to shoplifting and looting. Indifference to downtowns turning into crime-ridden drug dens. But I bet Tyler takes a hard stand if someone is misgendered.
Tyler "logic" is what turns neighborhoods into dumps. Mow the damn lawn.
On free-range parenting
— Dan S. writes:
LOVE your work and read it every day. Haven't written before. Here's my "old man" summary on parenting.
Too many people focus on PROTECTING their kids and not enough time on PREPARING them.
That's it.
Make today great. Mow on Thursday. Do hard things and all that other stuff.
— Paul B. writes:
Still reading just not writing as much. My take on the situation is that kids these days aren't as savvy as we were back in the day. We took chances, we did some crazy (stupid) things but it built up our confidence and made us realize we will fail, fall, get hurt but usually it won't kill us. Jump a bike off of a 10' pile of dirt not a 50' pile of dirt into a pond.
(True story we built up to the 50' bike jump into a pond).
My kids are very intelligent but they don't have the real life intelligence that I feel like my friends and I had when we were younger. We knew how to handle knives, guns, how to defend ourselves to a point. I'm teaching my kids how to be observant if they are walking down the road.
Looking for dangers such as cars, dogs, weird people (or where I live bears, panthers, alligators, snakes or other weird animals lurking around). They have to be taught these things I suppose and maybe most people don't do that? There's also the constant threat of some Karen being offended that your kid is walking down the street by themselves and causing problems.
My teenager is free range for the most part. My 10 year old is starting this summer and my daughter goes to summer camp to have the illusion of free range but to be watched by counselors and picked up by me every evening. There's always the predators out there too trying to prey on kids being left alone. So there's a balance that is needed nowadays. IDK maybe I'm wrong just my two cents.
D-Day & re-enactment paratrooper drops
— Jason from NE Indiana writes:
Wanted to thank you for the Screencap content and making me consistently laugh out loud over my morning coffee each day. Also, for inspiring me to up my lawn-striping game.
About D-Day, I am a proud retired Air Force C-130 pilot who has a personal connection to Normandy. Every year, there is a re-enactment/commemoration paratrooper drop on the same drop zone used on D-Day. In 2011, I was chosen as the mission commander for the 67th Anniversary of Operation Overlord, meaning I was in charge of planning the airdrop, briefing the mission, and leading a 10-aircraft formation to drop US, French, Polish, British, and yes, German paratroopers into Normandy. The day of the big mission arrived and I looked out my hotel window to see the worst weather since 1944 over the area. Long story short, I had to cancel the airdrop because of the weather, which was the worst day of my Air Force career. But, silver lining, I did get to stand in the back of a truck with all my aircrews gathered around me and announce (in a bad southern accent) "The Channel coast is socked in with fog and rain....no...jump...tonight."
The day before the drop, I did get to meet a WWII veteran who jumped into Normandy, Holland and Sicily, his stories were wild! Dude was in his late 80s and still a bad-ass.
Also, being from NE Indiana, whenever I mention Toledo, my kids all say in unison,"I hate the Walleye!" Go Komets!
Screencaps readers can't stop telling me how much they LOVE their bidets
— Today, it's Brad S. singing the praises:
Due to a surgery 'back there' a few years ago, I was advised to get a bidet seat,
OMG! Life changer! So clean. So fresh. Mine has a remote to adjust temperature, pressure and nozzle movement. It also has a drying fan.
Some call these "Japanese toilet seats". I call mine incredible,
There are also some very funny comedy bits about them, (I'm looking at you, Ron White!)
— John from SD LOVES his too:
Great advice on the bidet, (see, a comma) but look into one with more features. Heated seat, air drying warm air, front and rear options! Great for cold weather days with the heated seat! Toto Washlet (not sponsored). Wife got it three years ago, game changer.
— Marc in Tucson:
Bidets are a game changer. The argument I always use for skeptics is stepping in dog poop: You would never clean your shoe with paper, but would use a hose on full blast. If your shoe can't be cleaned without water, how can your butt?
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And that's it for this cloudy Monday morning. We're heading to the middle of June. This month is going way too fast. We need it to slow down.
Let's go get after it.
Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com or use my personal Gmail